I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
