how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
