lets start a swedish sibling band together
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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