I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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