how can u be prego again
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
