My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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