Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
MIDGETS
????
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize