Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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