thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
