as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
