U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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