Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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