And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
