Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
