We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
