:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize