I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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