I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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