I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
