I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
