I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
