first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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