I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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