u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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