At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
