It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
