brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
