If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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