Tell her she can't have a vagina
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
