my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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