Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
