Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
