Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize