I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well most of my day revolves around power hour
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
