I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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