I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
