totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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