At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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