Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
