I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
