doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
