Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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