i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
