I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
