my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
