This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
