Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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