we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
