I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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