You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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