i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
