I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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