: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
