I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
