DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They have beer where we have blood.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
