Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just found a bag of teeth...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
