fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
