I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
