So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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