The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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