Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
