i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
