I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
