I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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