I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
