whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
