I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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