We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
