how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have fence marks all over my body
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
