I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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