I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
