halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
