so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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