and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
