mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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