dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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