I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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