elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize