We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
