um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
