Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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