i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
