But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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