i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
