happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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