she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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