I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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