new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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