his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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